This is UNACCEPTABLE!

Now that I’m a self-proclaimed “content creator”, I have a new-found respect for the professionals that create full-time. As I try to setup my publishing calendar with my team, to plan ahead, scrounging my notes and journals for pieces I’ve written that can be transformed into long-form articles, using my little windows of down-time to create complete pieces so my team can just press PUBLISH when I’m unable, I realize I can only plan ahead so much; until I’m forced to be in the moment. The moment where I just feel moved to move something around to make space for what is currently on my heart, mind, and/or spirit.

What’s been on my mind since last night; this is unacceptable. After a victory that should have my spirits up and optimistic; I can’t help but be human.

The game doesn’t stop my life from happening. The game doesn’t stop the world from happening. The game exists within my life, not the other way around

While I play and experience the highs and lows of my career, I can’t do anything else without people telling me to focus. So, even in writing this, I can’t help but worry about how my feelings may be minimized, disregarded, or used to degrade me. If I’m not winning, I’m every kind of monkey, gorilla, black bitch, nigger, choke-artist, man, and whatever other degrading names people who are unhappy or unwell share to strangers who are in this world just trying to do their best. If I’m winning, that same crowd makes way to tell me I can do better.

Though I focus on the encouragement and support, more than not, the unhinged always finds, makes, and has time. To avoid even having to clean comments, because I have family and friends that get riled up, I’ve really put a lid on myself. I share less, even though I’d love to share more with those who genuinely support me and just want to see me healthy, joyous, and striving. But I’m now in this transition space, where I don’t give a damn. I’m not hiding that I live and experience life, my career, and the world simultaneously.

As I continue on my tour, my humanity wouldn’t let me sleep much last night. Thinking about (in no particular order):

1. women who’ve been robbed of autonomy over their bodies,

2. the cities/states that are burning, flooding, being torn to shreds,

3. people who are being forced from homes because they couldn’t pay bills during a pandemic that made them lose jobs in a country that provided no support,

4. children and educators risking their health and lives returning to school (knowing the results would overwhelm the healthcare providers who were finally getting a moment to breathe, after a year and change of risking their lives at work),

5. news of social security running out, while knowing wages are still being taxed (when that money staying with the person who earned it, would do huge lifting always, but especially in a time like this),

6. always the oppression, inequities, and brutality,

7. and states allowing firearms to be carried without license in this highly volatile time.

That’s just some of the things happening on my homeland. I won’t even touch upon what’s happening to our fellow-humans outside of this country, but what I will say, you can’t tell me to “shut up and dribble.”

This isn’t politics this is real life. These things are happening and I’m a part of the human community that has seen its progression and has always felt and expressed complete care and concern. I don’t have any calls-to-action, because this is such an overwhelming time and I frankly don’t know the answers or solutions to begin to remedy any of these happenings, except that we probably would have better luck leaning on and educating one another.

I have already shared so many articles about my best self-care practices, the things that keep me going, but there is no amount of healthy eating, exercise, self-love, therapy, counseling, or meditation that can begin to hold all of the anger and disappointment that is felt around the way we are being failed by the very people we’ve selected to protect us and the members of this nation who refuse to choose to live in harmony WITH their neighbors or fellow humans.

I’ve seen stories of big corporations boarding up their businesses to keep looters from taking food, while mom and pop shops, who lost so much over the last year were preparing meals for community members to be able to feed their families during these catastrophic storms. Those are the kind of actions that will save us. When we all look out for the well-being of our neighbors, for no other reason than we all deserve care at all times.

As I sit in my hotel, while NYC/NJ begin to submerge underwater, the same NYC I wrote about last week, I can’t help but get emotional.

I have the privilege of intaking the news/world at my leisure, but I often think of the people that unplug from all of the information being pumped out to regain some sort of balance, but can’t, because what I just read about they’re living/experiencing firsthand.

I got a glimpse tonight, when it took me four hours to get from the stadium to my hotel. I saw people stranded, while their cars were being hugged by rainwater and sewage overflow. I felt that fear and desperation, even if only for a moment. How blessed for me; only a moment. I couldn't help but think about the people who wouldn't be able to afford to replace those very same vehicles that were damaged by something out of their control. I couldn't help but think about the people who feel those feelings of fear and desperation often.

It’s one thing to know the ills of this world; it’s another thing to experience those ills.

My donations and social media blasts can only do so much; I am aware of that. I wish I had the fix. I want nothing more than for people to be able to live a life of peace, freedom, safety, and stability. So, as I try to regain my focus while the country is falling apart at the seams, so that I may show up and perform at my best for my supporters; I wanted to take a moment to say again, that this is unacceptable. What is happening in front of our faces is not meant to be normalized.

Stay safe.

**Artwork by @mkoby_ on instagram**